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Creativity and activism in the midst of the apocalypse

8/11/2020

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PictureBlack Lives Matter piece done shortly after the murder of George Floyd.
I don't know about you all, but I have been on an emotional roller-coaster since March. As an empath, it has been difficult to function in a world that daily feels like it's falling apart. I often feel paralyzed by grief and isolation, yet I still want to stand in solidarity with those who are suffering, and I still want to learn all that I can to be a good ally and an anti-racist. This, combined with one of the most difficult classes I've experienced in my schooling career (Accounting, blech) has left me feeling exhausted, isolated, and empty. 

So how do we move forward when it feels like things are hopeless, or when we're too tired to move? I'm still not completely sure of the answer, but for now I'm trying to take things in small steps. Weeze, from the Check Your Privilege Summer Skool says, "This is a movement, not a moment. This is a lifelong commitment and MUST be sustainable." There is no "one right way" to be an activist, so a lot of this lifelong commitment is figuring out what is sustainable for you, but I have decided to give myself one hour a day for activism work. This includes reading, educating myself, calling representatives, and signing petitions (though not all at the same time!). In addition to this hour, I have made a commitment to art activism. For me this means throwing myself, heart and soul, into each piece I create. This also means recognizing where my personal biases lie and working towards dismantling those in my art. My mission as an artist is to create art that inspires, empowers and puts a smile on your face. I want women of all sizes and colors to see themselves represented in my art. For the rest of this year, I'm choosing to be like Anna from Frozen II and just "do the next right thing." We will find a way through this living nightmare together and with small, daily steps.  

What are some things you're doing to stay sane and to stay creative in this time of upheaval? 



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Art Exhibits and Impostor syndrome

4/8/2020

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Hello and welcome to my new website and blog! Feel free to look around, particularly at my portfolio if you want to get a sense of what I do!

Last June, I opened my very first solo art show, Divas and Dames: The Bright, Bold Women of Kaitlin Mills at the Frontier Homestead State Park in Cedar City, Utah. This moment was a big one for me and I’d like to talk about why.

For most of my life, I didn’t believe my art was worthy of being shown to the world. It was just my hobby, so why would anyone be interested in it? I never felt it was good enough to share, or it wasn’t “real art” because it was just my hobby, or it wasn’t as good as so-and-so’s art, or "It's just digital art. It's not worth anything." The impostor syndrome was strong. 

All of that changed when I was approached about hosting a solo exhibit. That year, my new year’s resolution was a commitment to do things that terrify me. So, after the initial shock of being invited (why would anyone want to hang my hobby in a museum, let alone an entire exhibit of it?), I said yes.

I immediately regretted my decision. I had only six months to prepare a body of work that would be hung, on gallery walls, in front of complete and total strangers. Thus started a self-love journey that transformed me from an insecure “impostor” to a “real artist.” 

I am nothing if not stubborn, so I had no other choice than to follow through on my commitment. I got to work. With the help and support of my family and my best friend (who became my art manager), I started dedicating real time to creating art. Not just a spare hour or two whenever I had extra time in my week, but actual, scheduled-on-my-calendar hours. I spent these hours researching, sketching, and finalizing designs. After months of working seriously, I started to take myself and my work seriously. I began to recognize the value of what I was doing. As I watched these pieces take shape, I felt  proud of my work—and myself. 

The exhibit opening is an experience I will never forget. The museum was filled with not only friends and family, but complete strangers. People I didn’t even know were moved by my work—and they forked over hard cash for it

Was it terrifying? Yes. Was it hard work? Absolutely. Was it worth it? One hundred percent. Fast forward to now: I have an established business where I am selling my artwork and commissions. Professionally.​

What I learned is that to be an artist, you must  ignore the voices in your head that try to trick you into believing you’re not capable. Feel the fear, but do it the fork anyway! Has my Impostor Syndrome gone away? Of course not. It probably never will go away completely, but I don’t let it get in my way anymore. Sometimes all it takes is a leap of faith (and maybe a couple of people who will push you over the edge).
​

Thanks for reading! How do you work through impostor syndrome? Let me know in the comments! To stay updated on my musings about various subjects hit the subscribe button below! 
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That's me setting up for the art show!
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My best friend (and art manager) and I at the exhibit opening.
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Proudly posing for an article about the exhibit!
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  • Home
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